You know you are feeling fat when you contemplate wearing Spanx under your scrubs when you go to work! This is how I feel lately. Just downright chubby. I only have myself to blame though, and my stupid hormone problem. But seriously, I need to exercise better. I really need the weather to stay consistently warm, because I have ZERO motivation to be inside a gym at all these days. I work inside all day, so I feel like when I exercise it's Vitamin D time!
While driving home from work this week I started day dreaming about what I looked like when I was in high school. I weighed 140/145 lbs and was one of the biggest girls in my class. Oh how I would love to see that number again. I had body image issues, but two things I did like...
1. My stomach was mostly flat and I had no problem sucking in. The other day I tried to suck it in and struggled AND it was not flat when I sucked in. DAMMIT
2. I really liked my thighs. They were bigger than the average girl, but they were solid, and had definition, toned, no cellulite. Loved those thighs!
So over time I gained weight and lost weight and until recently my body did a fine job of evenly distributing the FAT. But within the last year something has happened....Fat only collects in my abdomen and thighs. Seriously evil! And it's so much harder to get rid of. I know those great thighs and flat stomach are in there somewhere, but this fat bitch is hiding them from me!!!
Also, while I'm ranting, why is it we females lose weight in our boobs first. I swear I think my boob fat is turning in to back fat and before long you won't know if I'm coming or going because I'll have humps on both sides. DAMMIT AGAIN!
Well, there it is, my pity party. I just need to suck it up and get moving. I have a new OB/GYN who is great and has given me a lot of hope. New drugs, Metformin, Pregnitude and a little Progesterone to get my cycle going. Oh and Biotin so hopefully my hair will stop falling out. But more importantly she gave me a time line and positive energy and HOPE.
So each day I'm just going to think about that high school body of mine and tell my chubby self to "GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET MOVING".
kel, give yourself a break! you are doing great and i should know because i get an alert every time you run. and boy oh boy can i relate. i thought i was a whale in hs and now i would do just about anything to see that number again. i am so happy you have a new dr. that you like! so excited for the day you call to say you are preggers!! love you. don't be so hard on yourself and keep up the good work!
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