Well as most of you know Nick and I have been trying to make a kiddo for well over a year and we haven't been successful. In a nutshell...we've got problems. Apparently making a baby isn't so natural after all. After talking to the fertility specialist our baby will only happen via Petri dish.
You want to know my thoughts on this...it's unfair. I don't understand. We did things right in life. College, careers, waited to marry the RIGHT person, and paid off most of our debt to the point where we knew we could comfortably feed another human being. So why, why, why don't we get to have a baby. I mean dammit! fourteen-year-olds get to have babies. If you want to know how I feel...I'm bitter, angry, frustrated, sad, confused. People keep saying relax it will happen...sorry, relaxing doesn't matter. Or they ask "have you thought about adoption"....we don't want to do that at this point. Yes I realize many kids out there need a family and you can say you would adopt, but guess what...it's easy to say that when you get to hold YOUR baby in your arms. YOUR baby that looks like you and has a smile like your husband. So no, right now I still want that too.
Friends and family are kind and ask "what can I do? what can I say?" Well the only thing I want to hear you say is "It FUCKING SUCKS Kel". That's it. Then you can pray, pray that God gives us a chance just like everybody else. And when your kids are driving you crazy and you're at your wits end, hug them and kiss them and love on them and realize how blessed you are.
One final thing....if you have a rich ass uncle who has about $15,000 or more to toss around, send him my way, I can help him out no problem. ;)
It FUCKING SUCKS Kel!! You're right, it is completely unfair. I deal with very ill equiped teenagers having babies all the time and it completely pisses me off that two wonderful people such as you and Nick cannot. I believe there is a master plan to all of this and although it may not be your way, it's God's way. I pray that all will be revealed soon and you find peace in whatever the outcome. I love you girl!!!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I didn't know you blogged! Me too! Second, my heart is sad for you and Nick! The desire to carry your own baby in your womb is unlike any other desire you will ever have! Thankfully fert. dr's can do amazing things! I will pray that you get that little bundle of joy and I am sure you will! It does SUCK and I have so many friends that have done fertility (Invetro and A.I.) and went on to have "free" babies after that. So I hope after all of this trying times you get a whole house full of babies (free!) . :-) Hang in there friend!
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